II
. : .
01 // Ivory Tower
a sheet of ancient paper
and His favorite pen
trying to write the impossible:
“Of Parental Failures And Sin”
red ink dripping
into cold blood
oh, what the—
has become of Him.
’cause if He intervenes
a floor might turn
into a ceiling
into a ceiling
into
a
ceiling
[ … ]
how am I supposed
to do this
all on My own
how am I supposed
to leave
this place
this place
this place
to follow
you,
dear Eve?
. : .
02 // The Diner
There was a diner
At the end of South State Street
Who served the best pancakes
In the whole wide world
Well, at least to me
The waitress smiled
And handed me her menu
Asking how ‘was doing
Well, I guess a little lost
Because I’m new
In town
Over here
In America
With a pocket full of dreams
No money, no car
In this town
somewhere in
Minnesota
There was a diner
At the end of South State Street
Who served the best pancakes
In the whole wide world
Well, at least to me
To me
If only
I could spend
Another mourning
In the diner at the end of my street
Then I could say good bye to America
Just the way
She did
. : .
03 // Blind
:: [now give it your all … ]
a guy in discord
thought i was nuts
>> just because i mentioned
that id talk to SUNO
like i talk to my plants <<
.oh what a fool {
all: serious;
&: cool;
with: his fake account;
&& sunglasses all: <#0373fc>;
}
<del>yet nother
dipsh1t who
thinks hes a
pro /lol</del>
{dear} // SUNO
please, send me a song
about ==
1. “respect”
++
2. this !d!ot who cannot see
youve got
⠠⠎⠠⠕⠠⠥⠠⠇
:: [ now give it your all, beautiful! ]
. : .
04 A//Ward
eight o’clock again
i’m painting a picture
of my whispering mental
theater
raining ups
and falling downs
with no catharsis
whatsoever
i can’t! is not an option
say the meds and neither
is your god complex
no matter
no matter
no matter
’cause at the end of the day
we share our violet lighter
and a cigarette
while walking down the hallway
together
to join the others
outside
the black sheep
losers and failures
the miserable
the trauma queens and
hurt teens
the lost and
the too far gone and
the numb
the looked down on and
the never-get-it-rights
the ones who
never
belong
did i forget
anyone?
let’s join the others
downstairs
the ones who don’t need to be told
that mental illness is just a
healthy reaction
to this
somewhat
sick
world
.
. : .
05 // Tin Roof (End Credits Song)
A tin roof in the rain
Our café and time
No, I won’t complain
Few more rounds to play
And Karens looking
Fuck them, they’re
Empty anyway
Or shall I say:
Unaware of what’s to come
The downfall and—
Whatever
Just play
Just play
The Crying you mean.
And shame.
I smile because you know:
Payday ain’t a game
A tin roof in the rain
Our café and time
Two racks and
Wooden letter tiles
NPCs’ laughter
Dishes clatter
Imagine when all of this
Won’t matter
Because they’re gone
Hush, listen!
The tin roof in the rain
Our tin roof in the rain
. : .
06 // Dust BunnY Door Slam (Departure Track)
. : .
07 // Lighthouse
im not leaving [✓]
im not leaving [✓]
im just being [✓]
consistent [✓]
unhesitant [✓]
A L W A Y S I N F R O N T [✓]
010001010101011001000101
^
: :
/ \
/ | \
. : and : .
. : : i hate it : : .
. : : : that place : : : .
where everyone is hurting
___ behind their fuck fake face ___
__________ S M I L I N G [✓] __________
. : : You told me long ago : : .
that there was nothing
i could do
_______________________
__ __ __ __ __
__ __ __ __ __
__ __ __ __ __
__ __ __ __ __
__ __ __ __ __
__ __ __ __ __
__ __ __ __ __
__ __ __ __ __
_______________________
to fit into this place
where no one is healing
from dogma and rules of grace
___________ P R A Y I N G [✓] ___________
its hopeless
thats what You said
and i didnt believe You
. : : didnt want to, i guess : : .
___________ R A G I N G [✓] ___________
______________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
______ ________________________ MARISANE2 __________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
___________ R A G I N G [✓] ___________
^
call
the Others
im coming home
. : : : ive had enough : : : .
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
__________ when you accept the fact ________________________
_____________________________________
_________________________________________
______________________________________________
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
__________________________________________________
________________________________ ________________
__________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________xoxo___
_____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ got it all wrong [✓✓] \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
_________________________________________________
_______________________________________________
___________________________________________
_______________________________________
^
call
the Others
im coming home
ive taken the long way
___ __ ____ uʍop ____ __ ___
. : : : : but i only did it because i knew : : : : .
_______________________________________
_________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
_________________________________________
________________________________________
____________________PS3414/911_______
___________________________________
_______________________________
| |||| ||| || | || ||| |||| |
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
^
You
leave
< the ninety-nine >
for the
one
⌄
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
________________________
________________________
________________________
________________________
________________________
. and now .
. im coming home .
im coming home
. im coming .
. home .
. ♡ .
. .
[ M I S S I O N S T A T U S ]
01000001010101110100
00010100101101000101
I
. : .
01 // ONE LAST BITE
I hate the world today
And everyone who’s in it
‘Cause there ain’t no other way
To make these skinny jeans fit
In the grocery store I cry
Over insects in every chocolate
An apple a day is what they say
But oh! Whatever! Fruit that!
So I run and I run
In my thoughts
A marathon
With no end in sight
But a snickers bar
Well, who cares tonight?
Just this one last bite
My doctor says I’m healthy
All the blood tests turned out fine
Of course I could reduce my candy
But changing eating habits takes a ton of time!
In the grocery store I cry
Over insects in every chocolate
An apple a day is what they say
But oh! Whatever! Fruit that!
So I run and I run
In my thoughts
A marathon
With no end in sight
But a snickers bar
Well, who cares tonight?
Just this one last bite
I will never disclose Vicky’s secret
Wearing make-up full of bugs all legit
Nor rock the office in hellacious heels
When all they do is bringing me to my knees!
So I run and I run
In my thoughts
A marathon
With no end in sight
But a snickers bar
Well, who cares tonight?
Just this one last bite
One last bite
I hate the world today
And everyone who’s in it
‘Cause there ain’t no other way
But to love myself first, devil dammit!
. : .
02 // Mismatch
This is an offhand song
Written within minutes
And without revision
With rhymes so strong!
I believe that from scratch
Is always the best because
I’m putting my perfectionism to rest
When it’s a complete mismatch
No need to be excellent
In killing the inner critic
Be your own best friend
And know you’re worth it
But offhand means another thing
It’s raw and rude for sure
Which is why I want it all the more
But now I am lost for words… again!
I believe that from scratch
Is always the best because
I’m putting my perfectionism to rest
When it’s a complete mismatch
No need to be excellent
In killing the inner critic
Be your own best friend
And know you’re worth it
Writing is all about bleeding
With my traumatized typewriter
In the middle of the night
On patient paper
I believe that from scratch
Is always the best because
I’m putting my perfectionism to rest
When it’s a complete mismatch
No need to be excellent
In killing the inner critic
Be your own best friend
And know you’re worth it
Because you are
This was an offhand song
Written within minutes
And without revision
Yes!
The inner critic is gone!
. : .
03 // ANGEL
i wander through life with a mission
that isn’t mine to begin with
knowing that we’re all forgiven
but most of the people i meet think it’s a myth
but when there is forgiveness, there must also be sin
that’s the annoying start of every hopeless argument
and trust me, young lady, you have no idea how hard it has been
there is no god and no grace, at least not for me, but nice we’ve met
why are you always smiling?
fighting through it all
how do you get by when the night is falling?
wondering how to tear down these walls
oh, i know i’ve got a mouth and two ears
that i may listen twice as much as i speak
and of course i cannot control what somebody hears
but trying to understand and learn from them is all that i seek
i wish i could lend them my eyes
and my healing heart just the same
so they could realize and see
that God is love
and He is everywhere
. : .
04 // THE BLACK SHEEP’S CAROL
They say it’s the best time of the year
When broken families pretend they’re fine
Ignoring the black sheep shedding another tear
Yes please, I need more wine
Where have you been on Thanksgiving? You didn’t call!
I told you I was working, but you never listen
Show some respect, kid! She’s your mother, after all
And they just did it again, gaslighting me to give in
It’s snowing outside! It’s a storm!
Put off these dirty shoes in the hallway!
What are you even wearing, dear?
And why does your hair look like a mess?
Nice to see you, too, and Merry Christmas
After dinner, my sister is counting her blessings
Three hours later and even more wine kicking in
I call her an entitled and ill-drilled asshole
One that is completely out of control
But what the hell am I expecting from people
Who celebrate Jesus’ birthday only once a year
Watching Him die on a pine wooden cross
Forever hanging above their table
Oh, thank God
When He returns
He’ll make all of ’em
Disappear
Where have you been on Thanksgiving? You didn’t call!
But I told you I was working, obviously you never listen
Show some respect, kid! She’s your mother, after all
And they just did it again, gaslighting me to give in
It’s snowing outside! It’s a storm!
Put off these dirty shoes in the hallway!
What are you even wearing, dear?
And why does your hair look like a mess?
Nice to see you, too, and Merry Christmas
. : .
05 // 笑顔のサバイバ (SMILING SURVIVOR)
. : .
06 // Es Ist (2008)
Schwarz oder Weiß
Alles, nur nicht grau
Ganz oder gar nicht
Alles, nur nicht halb
Heiß oder kalt
Alles, nur nicht lau
Ich kann nicht loslassen
Und ich weiß genau weshalb
Es ist etwas defekt in mir
Das die ganze Zeit schreit:
„Vergib Dir
Hab’ Vertrauen
Du bist nicht perfekt
Aber ich kann dennoch
Immer sicher auf Dich bauen“
. : .
07 // HONVÁGY
Egy gondolat
Egy íz
Egy dallam
Egy virág
Egy jubileum
Egy ima
És újra otthon vagyok
Ahonnan száműztek minket
Mikor kicsi voltam
Egy olyan földre,
Melynek nyelvét beszéltem
De nem a név nyelvét:
„Örökre idegen leszek itt”
Még az unokáimnak is
Akik itt születtek
. : .
08 // INDEED
He never helps me in the kitchen
And always falls asleep on the couch
My mental load is way too much to bear
Plus, he never, like, ever tells me I’m pretty
Even when I got a new haircut
He gives you space to make some mess
“Home is where my butt is, Darling!”
Which is why your heart is empty…
You just don’t get it, do you?
You didn’t marry yourself
You married a man
Please don’t turn into a Karen
For as long as you can
And always remember:
You gotta turn on the fire
As in the cave
So in your chamber
Turn the fire on, with kids, right
I can’t stand the fact that I do it all on my own
But housework is work!
I love my children, but I hate my life
What about some fun outside?
Oh, I didn’t know you go to work, too?
Nah, it’s more like a full-body-workout^^
You already sound like your mother…
You didn’t marry yourself
You married a man
Please don’t turn into a Karen
For as long as you can
And always remember:
You gotta turn on the fire
As in the cave
So in your chamber
And if you ever wonder how to do it right:
Order pizza, watch more Stargate, and fall asleep with him
For this world is too fucked up to steal your peace of mind
You didn’t marry yourself
You married a man
Please don’t turn into a Karen
Just because you can
And always remember:
You gotta turn on the fire
As in the cave
So in your chamber
. : .
09 // Monorail
i remember it well
locked down like a criminal
searching for kindred spirits
when i boarded the Monorail
{hello} // beautiful souls
oh, little did i know
about the internet
and trolls
The Singing Knives
Yomanpepsican
Law Of Intuition
Edie Sedgwick
Judith
oh, Kazinski!
A1
Craig Cain
Ayra Stark and
T H E P O W E R M A N
would always be there
making me happy
time and again
sharing
their wisdom
great music and
most of all: serious brain
i remember it well
locked down like a criminal
searching for peace of mind
when i boarded the Monorail
i hope they are all doing fine
receiving nothing but best karma
for being my virtual lifeline during c
{hello} // beautiful souls
oh, little did i know
about the internet
and trolls
The Singing Knives
Yomanpepsican
Law Of Intuition
Edie Sedgwick
Judith
oh, Kazinski…
A1
Craig Cain
Ayra Stark and
T H E P O W E R M A N
would always be there
making me happy
again and again
sharing
their wisdom
great music and
most of all: serious brain
{thank you} // beautiful souls
that’s who you are to me
{x} // for helping me
be
. : .
10 // THAT DAY I’LL CRY
. : .
11 // Astropeiler
Blue eyes
With a distant look
Believe me
I’d build a spaceship
If I could
Then we’d just fly away
From crazy waves and mad volcanoes
Exploring every single galaxy
Just the two of us
Until then we gotta pay our bills
Trying to avoid the stupid news
Me running for lithium pills
Ignoring all fake truths
Come, let’s roam the Effelsberg tonight
And sneak into the posh golf club nearby
No light pollution or idiots in sight
Just you and me
Watching our faraway night sky
Hidden in outdoor blankets
While all cuddled up
And in your eyes
This distant look
Believe me
I’d build a spaceship
If I could
Then we’d just fly away
From a home that isn’t ours
Exploring the milky way
And unknown worlds
Until then it’s Epic + Steam
Our living room: The Bridge
Sticky keyboards ready to smack
WASD == the! one! and! only! secret! for! attack!
Come, let’s roam the Effelsberg tonight
And sneak into the posh golf club nearby
No light pollution or idiots in sight
Just you and me
Watching our faraway night sky
Hidden in outdoor blankets
While all cuddled up
.
|
|
LOVE
<< YOU >>
[ [ [ KNOW ] ] ]
|| ||
_ _______ For the countless little things _______ _
__ _____ And for saving my life way too many times _____ __
___ _________ Always cheering me on with all your might: ________ ___
\ /
“ENGAGE!!!!!!!!
LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOOOO, LEFT!!!%@&(wtf)<3!!!!!
ON YOUR RIGHT SIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
|| ||
While I was laughing
And
Fighting to ascend
From the
.
/ M \
/ U \
/ D \
. | | | .
. | | .
. | .
. . .
So every night I pray to God:
“Please, send us a spaceship!
You really. fucking. should.”
Come, let’s roam the Effelsberg tonight
And sneak into the posh golf club nearby
Zero light pollution and zero idiots inside
Just you and me
Watching our faraway night sky
Hidden in outdoor blankets
While all cuddled up
Oh, anyway
I’d build it all by myself
If I could
Until then there is nothing left for me to fear
Because of you and your romantic
Golf club sneak-in idea
(Cheeses, remember when
the golf club owners
showed up?!)
. : .
12 // リアムのために (FOR LIAM)
. : .
13 // WHITE STAR ANTHEM
. : .
14 // LAST CHRISTMAs (Bonustrack)
A merry Christmas brings new light
Radiating in yellow, red and white
A mushroom cloud
Flashing
Rising
Yonder the horizon
Wonderfully blinding lights
Bright new suns all around us
What a beautiful sight!
In awe we stare into the flash
Soon everyone out here
Is gonna fade to ash
What a wonderful Christmas!
Peace on earth is finally here
With mankind fading to dust
And no more wars to fear
In death we all trust
Trees growing through pebble
Polar bears prancing on the shelf
No one, nothing left to battle
Our planet healed
As nature retook everything
The virus killed itself!
In just one wonderful Christmas night
Oh Christmas, wonderful Christmas
Shining in a thousand suns’ light
Yonder the horizon
Wonderfully blinding lights
Bright new suns were around us
What a beautiful sight!
In awe we stared into the flash
Now everyone out here
Dissipated to ash
What a wonderful Christmas!
Peace on earth is finally here
With mankind fading to dust
And no more wars to fear
In death we all trust